Be a good gardener

Everyone has stuff going on. Even if they look “successful” to you. Even if you think “they have it all figured out”. They haven’t. Just like you.

Everyone is - in one way or the other - on their healing journey.

I had a call with a beautiful man this week. He is a former rugby professional turned mental health advocate and keynote speaker. I heard him on a podcast and felt a deep resonance. Then, I saw he’s on LinkedIn and sent him a connection request. The vibe in a few DMs was great, so we agreed to deepen our connection.

On the call, I posed this question to us: If your life were a book, which chapter would you be writing right now? Why?

My answer to him: Healing.

If you read my previous issues, a lot of movement was going on in my life. And a lot of crossing my boundaries, over-stretching the edges of my window of tolerance, and I was in “high functioning performance” mode. A mode that I am very much used to.

It was clear to me that the weeks after the move to Ibiza would be filled with a lot of self-care, recuperation and introspection. In needed to make time for healing.

As this can mean different things for different people, let me share my understanding with you. Let’s start here: Everyone is always whole. The body and nervous system always do a fantastic job. It is just that sometimes we forget to be a really good and skilled gardener to ourselves. So this beautiful, incredibly resilient plant we are suffers more.

We don’t give enough attention. We don’t make enough time. We water too much. We water too little. We put it in the wrong place. Too much shadow. Too much sun. Do you have a green thumb when it comes to yourself?

Healing means doing things that create the ideal conditions for the plant to grow.

It can be in the classic areas of the wheel of life—like finance, health, family, friends, career, personal growth, and business. Those would be the more outward-oriented and very popular categories.

They are a good start, but I found they don’t go to the root. A few months ago, I came across a concept called “the wheel of belonging.” A cultural anthropologist I know spent a year in the Kalahari desert with tribes. For years, she has been on the quest to find out what makes humans happy and content. In literally all walks of life.

Her conclusion: a high sense of belonging, creative self-expression, community, ability and willingness to give, and connection to yourself.

I highly recommend to look at these categories too, look at your way of gardening, and how it affects the amazing plant you are. They really cut through the fluff and the noise.

Combining the wheel of life and the wheel of belonging has worked for me best so far.

For me for example, this meant seeing the chiropractor 2x a week, going for swimming workout in the pool, and eating less bread. The latter is a very difficult task, as we’ve found the best grandma selling the best bread on the island at the farmers market every Saturday.

Something that helps me a lot in the process of healing is visualising the version of myself that’s doing better and differently. Sometimes, I like to think in superlatives - like when I’m in the pool, I imagine being Michael Phelps (and, because I’m him, I also have his physique :-)).

But sometimes, I find these superlatives not helpful. Then, I envision the 1% better version—the one that does not eat bread, the one that passes by the grandma on the market and gives her a smile.

Let’s spend a few moments on giving.

My anthropologist friend found that it contributes massively to happiness. She’s not the first one, and I can relate a lot. This just makes so much sense. Yesterday, I was reminded of how much giving helps me on my own healing journey.

We went to the famous “San Jordi” market. Packed with people. The self-service restaurant area: Also packed with people. Last week I noticed a waiter working really hard to clean all the tables. We saw him again. A beautiful soul shines through his eyes. All of a sudden I get the nudge to give him a small tip. So I don’t think twice, approach him. He doesn’t get my English, I don’t get his Spanish. He asks someone to translate.

“I wanted to acknowledge his hard work, his beautiful energy, am grateful that he’s here and want to ask him if he’d be accepting a small tip from me”, I tell my translator.

He accepted, and we had a beautiful moment of connection. But then something completely unexpected—and, to be really honest, overwhelming—happened. The guy who translated is the owner of a restaurant. He was there with his entire crew. He told them what happened. And then they came over with huge smiles on their faces, grateful that someone acknowledged and saw “one of them.”

One man said, “Your act of kindness helped me restore faith in humanity.” I remember putting my hand on my heart and feeling grateful, too.

On the way back to the car, I had to think about this moment a lot. Actually, it was the waiter who started all of this. Just by showing up, he put truthfulness, warmth, and goodness out into the world.

That helped me to see it. I saw myself in him.

I did what I felt was the right thing to do, and the gratitude and appreciation got amplified in ways I couldn’t remotely imagine.

To wrap this up for this episode, let me ask you two questions and give you one task.

1. If you’d write a book right now. What would be the chapter of last week?

2. In which area of your life would you like to heal?

3. What is ONE tiny action that you can do as soon as you’re finished reading, to support that healing?

If you want some accountability, or just share what’s on your heart - hit reply :-)

Love, Christian