Do you feel safe?

I sit on the massage table.

I feel dizzy, calm and clear. What a weird combination. After a few minutes of coming back fully into my body, the chiropractor asks me:

Do you feel safe?

Yes, I say.

On my 29-minute drive home through the beautiful island of Ibiza - which is almost from one side to the other - I can’t get this question out of my head.

Do you feel safe?

I can’t remember a time when a health, or mental health professional asked me this question. And believe me, I saw many over the last years. This hit me.

We’ve all heard it by now:

The body keeps the score.
The body affects the mind.
The mind affects the body.

Past experience that’s not properly processed and integrated manifests as dis-ease and tension in the body. Okay, great.

But do you feel safe?

It is such a simple question that gets little to no attention in our world.
It is a question that should get a lot of attention in our world.

Because if we feel safe and our baseline is strong—within our body and within our being—we make better lifestyle choices.

We treat ourselves better.
We treat our loved ones better.
We are able to manage difficult emotions better.
Instead of throwing a tantrum, we self-regulate.
We are more forgiving in our romantic relationships.
Okay, that definitely applies to all kinds of relationships.

The clinic of the chiropractor I see is the opposite of what you’d think of a clinic. It is a wide, open space. There are separate rooms, but the walls and doors are glass. Multiple patients get adjusted simultaneously while in the same room.

The method is gentle, rythmic touch to guide the body back to its natural state - which is also the state of safety. No cracking bones and stuff :)

When I had my private consultation before the adjustment, I mentioned it. This is a very special place. How come you set it up like that?

“Because that is how we are supposed to live and how most of humankind used to live. I find it important that we are okay with seeing others and being seen by others in a safe space. "We have completely unlearned to feel safe amongst others.”

Yeah, I get it, I said. In the moment I could totally feel it. When I entered the main room to get the adjustment, it felt a bit weird to know that there are other people around. But this completely disappeared after a few minutes.

This experience last Thursday also reminded me of the breathwork and somatics retreat of my dear friend Steven in Portugal a few weeks ago.

He invited me to support him. While that in itself was an incredible experience and worth a book of insights, one element really stood out for me.

Which was, how often we talked about safety.

And how important it was. I remember Steven sharing with the participants:

“Okay, let’s assume you have a very bad moment. Can you check in withourself and ask: do I feel safe right now? If you do, how do you know? And if you don’t, see if you can come back to safety on the exhale.”

What was remarkable for me was the speed with which the whole group adapted from “normal life” to hanging out together and going through their individual and group processes—in and guided by psychological and physical safety.

When I look back on last week through the lens of “Did I feel safe?”, many of the moments when I felt emotional difficulty make much more sense.

This is an invitation for you to reflect on your last week.

Can you recall moments where you felt particularly safe?
What were moments when you did not feel safe at all?

And as you think about this, use the opportunity to check in with your body.
Do you feel safe within?

Love,
Christian

P.S.: If there is a challenge you faced last week that is still present now and that you’d still like to tackle this year, I’m here or you. Schedule a relaxed intro session, or directly book a session to work with me 1:1 here